Mozart's Squirrel

I miss him so much today. Saw the squirrel running along the fence. Remembered Mozart running from patio door to patio door to window following the critter.

Bad Weekend - Floating Fur

I cried and cried most of this weekend. Started Friday with looking up kitty emergency info for Pam, and afterward, happened on the pages on emergency CPR procedures. Had one of those wishful-thinking moments envisioning myself having rushed to Mozart and performed CPR. But then I know that he might have been brain- or other- damaged, and I wouldn't want that. But the next page had a pic of a sick orange kitty laying on his back looking at the camera.

Next night, friends gave their condolences at a get-together, and I said, thanks, yes, he was really special. Trying to keep it light, I described how a halo of gently drifting fur floated upwards from a very still Mozart, beatifically illuminated in the sunlight. Hence his nickname Sir-Sheds-A-Lot. Later I thought of how much I missed that, and would never see it again.

Next day at another get-together, another friend showed pics of their dogs that had passed a while back. Again thought of our own pics scattered around the house, and knowing that it's going to be this hard even after time's passed. It's not gotten easier.

Today Was Bad

Saturday was pretty bad, when I was doing stuff in the garage with Hubby, and spotted 2 things: the special bag of junk food kibble especially bought for Mozart, and the first 2 toys I ever bought for him. 2 pink plastic wheelies attached by rods and a mouse, and the pompom glove.

Tried to work on his picture album, and broke down again.

Bad Day This Morning

Cried and cried my eyes out this morning. I miss him so. Also came up because I had to tell 3 different people on Tuesday that he'd passed. Then last night, we saw the new House episode, where Wilson, who had kept everything the way Amber had it that last day, finally washed the last dirty glass she used. I felt exactly the same way when Mozart passed. I refused to wash or clean anything for a month. It really hurt to finally take away his water bowl.

All of that just ripped the thin scab off and made it a fresh wound again. Held it in till this morning.

Also so overwhelmed by the house crap too. I'm freaked out that the house is falling down, that I'm a crappy homeowner and can't take care of shit. So I'm just a mess of emotions at the moment. But taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, and figure out a way to distract myself.

Ginza's Feeling Better

Ginza seems to be feeling a bit better after losing his brother. He made a mad dash up and down the stairs a couple times last night. This morning when I woke, he was in his little kitty bed (side by side with Mozart's bed) where they always slept every night. He hadn't slept in it since Bubby's passing. No-one's touched Bubby's bed at all.

Coming From The Garage

This morning, still sleepy and sluggish, went out to the garage to get some of the kitty food cans. Re-opening the door to come back in, there's Pixie's cute little face peering at me, and hopefully into the garage. For a few seconds, I had such a vivid memory of Mozart's happy, curious face waiting for whatever I'd be bringing from the garage, that I truly thought he was there, and actually looked for him for a second before my brain kicked back into gear.

Pretty Down Today

Feeling very depressed today, thinking a lot about Motzie. Cloudy gray weather not helping. Will go try to do something to lift my spirits.